Day 3: The Kind of Person Who Attracts Me
Intelligence is sexy!
Everyone has their own preferences for what they look for in the other person, or their irreducible minimums. If hell broke loose and we were all given the chance to only choose one thing we would wish for in our significant others, I would definitely go for intelligence.
I do not mean they have to be the next Einstein, Elon Musk, Jack Ma, Steve Hawking or Dan Brown, but if they do not know any of those listed above, then automatically, are out.
I am a sucker for deep conversations, so I definitely need someone who would keep their side of the conversation going. Someone who knows the difference between a conversation and a question and answer session. I need to listen to them speak and feel the urge to reach for my notebook to note down some points. I need a charmer for my brain. I need a teaser. I need someone who would give me reasons to be on the internet apart from social media. I need someone as thirsty for knowledge as I am.
I need someone who understands that the beauty of conversation lies not in the laugh emojis used, but in the rawness and truth. Someone who doesn’t throw tantrums when they are left on read because their idea of a conversation was something close to this:
Them: Hey you.
Me: Hi. How are you?
Them: I am okay.
Them: Yaani umeninyamazia sasa?
Duuuude! This is clearly not working. Even if you send a million other texts, I will not reply. Also, those who think ‘hae’ is a sophisticated form of greeting, who bewitched you?
I need someone who knows their way with words. Like the basic difference between whose and who’s; there, their and they’re. Someone who is brave with their words, and is not afraid to say whatever they think about a situation. Someone who sees life for what it is; a mixture of emotions, hopes, failures, unaccomplished dreams, animosity, realness and honesty.
I am attracted to someone who takes No for a No, and Yes for a Yes. Someone who understands when I say I do not prefer being called late in the night, and I don’t have to give them reasons as to why. Someone who understands I am responsible for all my decisions, and the least they could do is to wish me luck.
I need someone intelligent enough to understand feminism isn’t about bitterness and hatred; that feminism is way beyond wanting good things for women without them working for it; someone who understands feminism, just like patriarchy, cuts across all genders. Someone who appreciates womanhood; who sees the vast city wherein womanhood lies. Someone who understands there is so much more a woman can bring to the table apart from the sex.
Someone who understands it is okay to listen to a woman speak, and it is okay to live with the fact that there is a woman out there whose brilliance outshines them. Someone courageous enough to say ‘I do not understand that point’.
And God knows I am attracted to someone with a deep love for books, even better if their love for books supersedes their love for me. I want someone who treats books as sacred as they are, someone who appreciates the vast knowledge that lies within the book pages, someone I can sit with and have a discussion about the books we have read and the ones we still are to read. And if they are not readers, at least they should appreciate the fact that books are my first love, and nothing could ever replace their place in my heart; that I have a beautiful relationship with my books and the characters within them, and I want that to remain unchanged.
I want someone who is okay living with the fact that I will always have a book in my purse, and I will not leave it behind to create space for their tablet that won’t fit in the pocket.
I am attracted to someone who has a great sense of humour, someone who gets the jokes without the need of explaining it to them. Of course, I am attracted to someone who makes me laugh; someone who makes me double over with laughter. Someone who understands the depth of a laughter because it emanates from the stomach, through the heart and manifests itself in the eyes. I am attracted to someone who differentiates the fake laugh from the sarcastic laugh.
Of course, someone who laughs out loud gets me at the first glance.
I am lucky to have one of those friends who tell me I never give men a chance with me. So, on this day, I bump into Buff and we catch up a little bit:
Buff: So why don’t you give them a chance?
Me: They probably are not what I am looking for.
Buff: Lakini hii pride yako si ni nyingi sana?
Me: Pride is not a bad thing when you know what you want. Is it?
Buff: I am not sure. But maybe you shouldn’t be too choosy.
And Heaven knows the biggest reason why I like Buff is he knows himself too much he would never settle for less.
Then it got me thinking, who wants someone whose only idea of freedom is the fight for independence? Someone who doesn’t even think or know they are bonded to somethings they aren’t even aware of. Someone who thinks Miguna Miguna is their hero because he is fighting for freedom?
I don’t want someone who is still tied to their fear; fear of the unknown, fear of judgement, fear of not being perfect, fear of being too much, or too little, or insufficient. I don’t want the negativity that comes along with someone who is driven by fear; fear of losing me, as much as it might feel good, is needy in most cases. I do not want someone who looks over their shoulder before doing something they really want to; be it frying eggs for the very first time of even pulling a trigger.
I am attracted to someone who acts on instincts, and is brave enough to own up to their actions. Because what is freedom if you have to ask for my permission before you do anything? Think about it, do you really need my opinion about which pair of socks to put on? Or which tie matches the shirt? Go on, do your nasty thing with colours. Be spontaneous. Who knows, it might turn out to be the most beautiful thing the world has ever seen. And if it doesn’t, well, you learn your lesson the hardest way.
I don’t need someone who is still tied to their past. Pasts are meant to show us direction, to give us a chance to come out of our shells of self-righteousness. They are meant for us to realise our mistakes, and to slowly learn from them. But then again, they are the past, and they ought to remain in the past. So, don’t come to me reeking of alcohol because you are in a constant fight with your past. No, I am not against the alcohol, but we both know you are dragging it into a battle it knows nothing about.
Pull your energies, look your past straight in the eyes and say, “I am not doing this anymore’, then stick to your words.
It isn’t that hard to win me over, is it?
Tomorrow is a good day. See you!!